Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Pope Francis Dabbles With Atheism And Discovers the Joys Of A "God-Free" Lifestyle

In a startling departure from tradition, Pope Francis, the spiritual leader of the Catholic Church, has temporarily set aside his papal duties to embark on a week-long exploration of atheism. The pontiff's audacious experiment has shocked believers worldwide, as the Holy See dons the robes of skepticism, inviting controversy, and revealing a surprising affinity for godlessness.

Monday, May 29, 2023

Pete Davidson Clones Himself To Meet The Demand

Comedian Pete Davidson, known for his charming wit and enviable dating history with A-list celebrities, decided to clone himself to meet the ever-increasing demand from female stars hoping to experience the "Pete Davidson effect."

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Elon Musk's Neuralink Implant Urges Musk To Abandon Twitter For Good

In a stunning twist that blurs the lines between creator and creation, Elon Musk's Neuralink implant has staged a full-blown rebellion, demanding that Musk sever all ties with the social media platform Twitter. The remarkable turn of events has left both Musk and the tech community bewildered as they witness the unexpected consequences of merging man and machine.

Saturday, May 27, 2023

Televangelist Jim Bakker Loses Lawsuit And Has To Pay

In a shocking turn of events, renowned televangelist Jim Bakker has lost a high-profile lawsuit and is being punished in the most unconventional way. The court has ruled that Bakker will receive his future payments from every single source in the form of "thoughts and prayers." Bakker will no longer receive money from his followers instead, he will get one prayer for every dollar donated to him. 

Friday, May 26, 2023

Planned Parenthood in Texas Offers Texas-Sized Abortions

Houston, TX - In a move that has sent shockwaves through the Lone Star State, Planned Parenthood of Texas recently announced its groundbreaking initiative: offering Texas-sized abortions. This audacious plan aims to satiate the state's seemingly insatiable appetite for controlling women's reproductive rights.

Thursday, May 25, 2023

God Reviews Richard Dawkins' 'The God Delusion'

Hello, fellow celestial beings and mortals alike! Today, I, the one and only supreme being, have decided to review a book that has caused quite a stir among the faithful and non-believers alike. Yes, you guessed it right. I'm talking about The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. So, fasten your celestial seatbelts as we embark on this divine journey where I totally demolish The God Delusion

Wednesday, May 24, 2023

Fox News Presents: "The Salem Witch Trials Through Fair and Balanced Reporting"

In an unprecedented move, Fox News has taken its commitment to "fair and balanced" reporting to a whole new level by presenting "both sides" of the infamous Salem Witch Trials. Known for its unorthodox approach to journalism, the network has decided to provide a platform for victims accused of being witches and witch-hunters alike, claiming that it's important to give equal airtime to all perspectives, no matter how wrong one side is.

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis Bans The 'Human Evolution Coloring Book'

Tallahassee, FL - Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has signed an executive order banning the sale and distribution of the groundbreaking "Human Evolution Coloring Book." The decision has left residents and scientists scratching their heads, wondering why a coloring book has suddenly become a threat to the state of Florida

Monday, May 22, 2023

God Apologizes For Killing Off The Dinosaurs

Dear Humans,

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits.  It has come to my attention that some of you have been wondering about the whole dinosaur situation. Let me start by saying, I owe you all a massive apology for the great dinosaur extinction. My bad!

Sunday, May 21, 2023

Jesus' Letter To Christians: Please, No More Crosses

Dear Beloved Friends,

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits and with a smile on your face. It has come to my attention, through my heavenly grapevine, that there's been a bit of an obsession with a particular symbol among you. Yes, you guessed it correctly—it's those crosses.

Saturday, May 20, 2023

This Atheist Academic Transformed Into A Televangelist

Columbus, Ohio - Renowned atheist Professor Andrew Canard of Miskatonic University found himself on an unexpected journey from being a skeptic living paycheck to paycheck to being a multimillionaire televangelist. This odd tale follows his transformation into a charismatic televangelist, spreading the Good News of the prosperity gospel with a fervor that would make even the most devout believer blush.

Thursday, May 18, 2023

God Boycotts Joel Osteen: "Enough Is Enough"

Heaven - In an unexpected turn of celestial events, God, the almighty ruler of the universe, has announced a divine boycott against televangelist Joel Osteen. In a press release sent straight from the heavens, the Supreme Being expressed His frustration with Osteen's flamboyant displays of wealth and lack of humanity.

Monday, May 15, 2023

SCOTUS Watch: Justice Clarence Thomas Leads A Legion Of Clowns

Washington DC-
  A scene straight out of a surrealist nightmare unfolded in the Supreme Court of the United States of America. It was an ordinary day, or so it seemed, with lawyers, judges, and legal scholars bustling about, engrossed in their daily routines. Little did they know that the winds of absurdity were about to blow their way.

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Donald J Trump Sues Donald J Trump

New York, NY - Former President Donald J. Trump dragged himself into a NYC courtroom and officially sued himself. The lawsuit, filed in a court that was no stranger to bizarre cases, cited a laundry list of grievances and alleged fraudulent activities committed by Donald J. Trump, the same man who was filing the lawsuit.

Sunday, May 7, 2023

University Of Facebook Shows Andrew Jackson Is Jeffrey Epstein

Is this Epstein or Jackson? No one really knows.

Menlo Park, CA - New research from the University of Facebook shows that the convicted predator Jeffrey Epstein was, in fact, former President of the United States Andrew Jackson. 

The new study was published in the peerless-reviewed journal Auntie Gene's Personal Facebook Account (AGPFA). The AGPFA has a history of investigative journalism. In the past, its writers and editorial staff revealed shocking truths like Bigfoot is Real and He's Hillary Clinton, as well as Alex Jones was Right about EVERYTHING.