Friday, July 25, 2014

Vladimir Putin - Hello Kitty Superfan

President Putin's official photograph
for the Hello Kitty Fan Club.

Moscow, Russia In what may be the strangest attempt for any public figure to soften his or her public image, Vladimir Putin, the President of the Russian Federation, has announced to the world that he is Hello Kitty's biggest superfan.

Anonymous sources deep in the Russian government stated President Putin has been concerned about
Hello Kitty in happier times.
his image for some time. While the authoritarian leader in the past loved to have himself photographed shirtless while wrestling the Giant Carnivorous Mink indigenous to Siberia, he is getting on in years and the time for taking his shirt off in public is long gone. "The man is 62 years old and unless you are Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger hitting the gym constantly a man that age should keep his torso covered," stated a senior Kremlin official.

President Putin was recently voted in as President of the Hello Kitty Fan Club for Russia with a whopping 98% of the vote. Nine-year-old Catherine Molchanov of St Petersburg, his only competitor for the position, believes that the vote was rigged and has petitioned the UN to look into any instances of vote tampering. "Too bad for her, cookie crumbles in my way,"  President Putin stated in his characteristically stoic fashion.

Vladimir Putin has big plans for Russian fans of Hello Kitty.
  • The new President announced the Ukrainian My Little Pony Fan Club threatens the health and well-being of Hello Kitty's club members, and that will stop. Hello Kitty fans have been instructed to boycott stores that sell My Little Pony.
  • Hello Kitty is Inherently Superior than My Little Pony Contest will begin next month. Contestants will use any artistic medium they wish to convey why Russian Hello Kitty is so much better than decadent Ukrainian My Little Pony.
  • A change to the club's constitution will be changed. President Putin will now be called President Kitty-for-life Putin.