Saturday, April 9, 2022

A Daughter Of Putin's Has A STD Named After Her

Vladimir Putin's daughter Katerina Vladimorovna Tikhonova bears the unfortunate honor of having one of the most virulent strains of herpes named after her. Nicknamed The Herpes That Launched 1,000,000 Hospital Visits the Katerina Vladimorovna Tikhonova Herpes XXX Simplex Herpes Variant (KVT XXX) is the scourge of the Russian Federation.

Who is Katerina Vladimorovna Tikhonova?

Katerina is Vladimir Putin's youngest daughter. Born in Germany in 1986 she was a professional acrobatic dancer. She later became an executive in a Russian tech company that supports the Russian defense industry. Her husband is an oil oligarch and the couple is worth over two billion dollars.

She has recently been added to the sanction list of Kremlin allies.

She is also Patient Zero for one of the worst strains of herpes possible.

The KVT XXX Herpes Variant

As Russia becomes more authoritarian, scientists are fleeing the country. What was once a trickle has now become a flood of chemists, physicists, as well as health professionals. This allows the western allies to get a deep look at scientific research in Russia. The brain drain also reveals medical secrets.

"Look, it's unfortunate that one of Vladimir Putin's daughters was the Petri dish where the mutation happened," explained Doctor Andrew Kanardsky, a noted Russian virologist who immigrated to the US. "But facts are facts."

KVT XXX symptoms include a need to invade Ukraine, blackmailing European countries with natural gas shipments, and crimes against humanity. The list of symptoms leads many to believe that Russian President Vladimir Putin also has KVT XXX Herpes. There are many salacious rumors about how he contracted the disease.

"I've heard rumors that the rumors are true," said Dr. Kanardsky.