Friday, March 4, 2011

Charlie Sheen's New Job: Chief of NASA

President Obama announced today that Charlie Sheen is the new chief of America's space agency, NASA. President Obama stated, "Charlie Sheen is the new blood that NASA needs. For some time the organization has lacked awesomeness and a drive for unconditional winning that Mr Sheen embodies." Charlie Sheen, along with his two girlfriends, will be moving into and living in NASA's main offices so that his special brand of excellence can seep into every crack and crevice of the organization.

Charlie Sheen was not at the press conference when the announcement was made. It is reported that he was getting his rock star mojo tuned up. He did do a video conference with Newest Newsy News to share his thoughts and feelings about his new position at NASA. "This is the best thing that ever happened to NASA and I am sure to be the best CEO of an auto part distributor in the history of man." The interviewer gently told Mr Sheen that he was going to head NASA, the space agency, and not NAPA, the auto parts mega store. Mr Sheen retorted, "That's nothing to my 10,000 year old mind. I only just have to sit here and readjust my thinking and now I'm ready to go where no Charlie Sheen has gone before."  

There have been rumors within NASA and Washington that Charlie Sheen's placement as head of NASA is part of some secret plan to defund the organization. Both the President and Congress are looking for ways of lowering the deficit and NASA is a prime target for deep budget cuts. Representative Maxwell Dean Fox from Louisiana's first district had this to say, "Charlie Sheen just might save those NASA boys some money, you know. It helps that he thinks that you can get to Mars on the Greyhound Bus."