Thursday, June 9, 2011

Sarah Palin To America: Take Away the Gay

I hate homonyms!
Sarah Palin took some time out today from her Maybe I am Running for President, Maybe I'm Not tour de force to announce a hypothetical campaign promise for her hypothetical campaign. 

Here is her speech.

Good morning, Real Americans. I wish to let you know what my first Executive Order is going to be when I win the big show and become the president of the more than forty but less than sixty states. Of course, this in not saying I'm going to run, but I'm not not saying it either.
Okee-dokey, thanks for coming out.

Um, right, my campaign promise.

I challenge President Obama to stand with traditional America and get the homo out of our lingo!

I was on the bus, watching TV and trying to find the local Fox station when I stumbled upon PBS. What did I find your tax dollars doing? A know nothing scientist was telling people that the scientific name for God's children is homo sapiens. Do you know what? Your tax dollars are being used to spread that term and the homo sapien lifestyle to your children in public schools!
I want to restore dignity to humanity. Instead of using that horrible term here are my suggestions: 

Jesus sapiens

Christo sapiens

Defintiely not gay sapiens

After fixing homo sapiens I'm going after homo-genized milk!

There was no applause afterwards - just an awkward silence.  The crowd dispersed in silence, leaving the non-candidate on her own. Undaunted, she walked back into her bus to find new ways to renew the American spirit.