Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Herman Cain To Fight Accuser!

Des Moines, Iowa - In a new attempt to quash the accusations of sexual harassment against Republican Presidential hopeful Herman Cain, the Cain team has announced that the candidate and supposed victim Karen Kraushaar will meet in one-to-one combat. Daryl Misogyny, a spokesperson from the campaign, had this to say about this sudden shift in strategy on dealing with the scandal,  Trial by combat a tradition that goes back centuries. To put it simply: The two parties in question walk onto the field of honor and the innocent survives and the guilty is slain. There may be some parties out there who view man versus woman combat to favor the man. However, our team has researched a classic Christian text on medieval combat from Hans Talhoffer.

Mr Misogyny produced this picture from the Talhoffer book .

As you can see the man has been placed in a pit, thereby evening the playing field between the sexes. There are some Republicans who say that putting Mr Cain in a pit during combat is pandering to feminazis, but we believe we are following traditional values.
Mr. Cain has been losing support amongst Republican women due to the scandal, but there are murmurs that the judicial combat option will not win him any friends. An undisclosed source from the Romney campaign states that the stunt is immoral, idiotic and barbaric.  Upon hearing this charge Mr. Misogyny had this to say, What does Mitt Romney know about morality? The man isn't even a Christian!

The Cain campaign then released a video using actors to simulate what the combat will look like.

Pat Robertson announced that he supports the trial by combat 110%. After looking at the above video he lauded the use of the Christian cross on the fighters' uniforms as well as the man's club. Mr Robertson also stated that we could all learn something from the way the two sides are resolving this issue by letting go, and letting Jesus take the wheel.

*This story is 100% fake.