Friday, March 22, 2013

Rush Limbaugh Gives Beyoncé Marriage Advice

Next, Rush is going to tell Beyoncé how to get in shape.

Rush Limbaugh, famed talk-show host and recovering drug addict, recently went on air to welcome superstar Beyoncé into the land of traditional values marriage.
She's got a new song. Can I say it? It's on the popular charts. ‘Bow Down, Bitches’ is the new tune. A total 180. Beyoncé's now saying, ‘Go ahead and put up with it,’ and you know why? I'll tell you why. Because she got married. She's married to [a] rich guy. She's even calling herself Mrs. Carter on the tour. She has shelved Beyoncé. She's no longer being called that. She's gonna call herself Mrs. Carter on the Bow Down, Bitches Tour. That's the title of the single that's fronting the tour. The advice to these women is, ‘Go ahead and put up with it. Put up with it now. Bow down, bitches," because why? She got married. She married the rich guy and she now understands. She now understands it's worth it to bow down, and so now she's passing on this advice. (Source)
Rush has had so much experience with  traditional marriage that he has been wedded four times. His upcoming book on the topic How Obama Ruined Three of My Marriages and Will Probably Ruin the Fourth One is a tale of high octane love and high powered politics. The story reveals the complex plan by the first Islamo-Socialist-Fascist American President to undermine Rush's marriages from the talk-show host's first one in 1977. An anonymous source in the publisher's office has leaked that Preside Obama was responsible for Rush's 'past' addiction to oxycodone and hydrocodone.

The book is bound be all the rage for the illiterate.

*OK, the quote was real, but everything else is fake. Fake, shmake.