Friday, March 29, 2013

West Virginian Senator Has Been Uncontrollably Crying For Days

In happier days.
West Virginian Senator Joe Manchin hasn't been seen for days by family and staff. Concerned staffers huddled by the senator's office door and have reported to have heard quiet sobs as well as the nonstop merry making from the cast of MTV's reality show set in West Virginia, Buckwild.

"Oh my God, I knew it was going to be bad, but, Jesus Christ, this is horrible," came a wail from deep inside.

"I think the pressure from all the budgetary talks have really been wearing on him, and then he must have stumbled onto a marathon of Buckwild. That must have sent him over the edge," stated concerned personal assistant, Artie Jones

The West Virginian politician voiced his concerns when it was revealed that MTV was going to highlight rural life in his state by following the best and the brightest young adults in their daily life. He stated that show "plays to ugly, inaccurate stereotypes about the people of West Virginia."

"I think the situation has gotten so bad that he's logged onto the website and learning how to speak the gang's slang. I've heard him repeating terms like muddin and Redneck water skiing, and quizzing himself on those terms. He's always been a perfectionist" reported Mr Jones.
It's been reported that drastic measures are being prepared to get Senator Manchin out of his office. A complicated scheme has been thought up that revolves around telling the politician that the show has been cancelled. A fake press release from MTV will be slipped under the door, and experts will hack into the Buckwild site to announce that the show is ending. 

"What is integral to the plan is that Joe thinks that the people of West Virginia have risen up and demanded the show be taken off the air. It should make him believe in humanity once again," staffer Jones.

Only time will tell.

*No, the Senator isn't crying in his office. This story is a fake.