Sunday, November 27, 2011

Mitt Romney On Illegal Immigration: Work Will Set You Free

Mr. Romney, an American hero. 
Des Moines, Iowa - Mitt Romney has dramatically altered his position concerning illegal immigration in America. Seeing an opportunity to court more conservative Republicans after Newt Gingrich stated tht some illegals should stay in the US, Mr. Romney announced his new proposal for a jobs program aimed at this population. The program's name is Work Will Set You Free.

Touting his experience as a business man, Mr Romney has developed a plan that he states benefits everyone.  Anyone who is in the country without proper documentation will not be thrown out. Instead they will be given work, preferably on a large farm, where shelter and food will be provided for them. This plan also outlines that their children will also be given this opportunity to have a life long job of fulfilling farm labor. Of course, if the farmer wishes he or she will have an option to sell the immigrant's labor (and the immigrant) at anytime to any other citizen. Even though most labor will be done in the fields, there will be an option for some workers to work in the house. Mr. Romney stated that these helots (the official term for workers under the plan) will enjoy a standard of living that most people in North Korea would envy.

Mr. Romney spoke to a crowd on the matter earlier,

Not only does this program fill the labor shortage that the agribusiness is suffering from since crackdown on illegals, but it will make citizens feel better about their own lives. In this generation of lowered expectations owning someone else's labor for life will really perk up one's spirits. And I know this is a bit early to talk about this, but when I'm President the next series of tax cuts will include a helot for every American.

When questioned by a voter that there aren't enough illegals to go around, Mr Romney stated that he had thought of that too,

Don't worry my friend, we're planning to send out teams to other countries and collect more workers when necessary.

Herman Cain has experienced lowered support over the past few weeks and saw this obvious  flip-flop on Romney's part as his opportunity to beef up his position on criminaliens. In addition his electrify the border proposal real Americans can punch a criminalien in the throat as he or she is getting expelled. Of course, there would be a negligible fee that the citizen would have to pay for the honor.