Monday, November 28, 2011

UN study confirms that Americans know little about geography.

The name of this planet is...?
New York, New York - The UN has published a report today that unequivocally shows that the typical American knows about as much as a bag of hammers when it comes to geography. Two thousand Americans were originally scheduled to take the test, but only half showed up due to getting lost. When contacted by the researchers those who got lost complained that their GPS guide used difficult terminology like "right" and "left". Regardless, one thousand participants engaged in a one hour written exam and here is an overview of the results.

  • 68% of the participants could not identify the Earth on a world map.
  • 75% stated that north was directly above them.This possibly explains why many Americans confuse Santa Claus with God.
  • 79% stated that south was underground.This helps explain why many Americans think Mexicans are from Hell.
  • 88% thought that east was always to the right, while west was always to the left.
  • The other 12% thought that the east was always to the left and west was always to the right.
  • When asked what language people speak in New Mexico 62% said un-American.
  • 100% of Americans identified America as the best place to be on the planet. However, only 15% were able to differentiate between North America, South America, and the United States of America.
  • 11% refused to take the test at all. They stated that they were not going to take a test that involved looking at pictures of people having sex. The research assistants explained that the study was not concerning pornography but on the knowledge they had about the lands, features, inhabitants, and phenomena of Earth. The participants still refused to take the test, citing that they thought the whole thing seemed dangerous.
The study recommended that American schools make competence in geography a goal for every student. Unsurprisingly, the recommendation will go unheeded, because no one really cares.

* This story is 100% fake.