Monday, January 24, 2022

Mitch McConnell Clarifies That Nazis Are "Real Americans"

Senator Mitch McConnell is under fire for saying the quiet part out loud. He was already in trouble for not supporting the voting rights bill that would protect Black voters. While addressing reporters concerning his position, the Senate Minority Leader said, “Well, the concern is misplaced, because if you look at the statistics, African-American voters are voting in just as high a percentage as Americans."

Millions on social media wondered Aren't African-Americans, well, Americans?

After reflecting on his statement, Senator McConnell convened another press conference to clarify statements made in the previous one. "I just want you all to know that all Americans are close to my heart. Some are grouped by my right atrium. Others are by my left ventricle. What I'm trying to say is that they are separate but equal."

Twitter exploded with comments on McConnell's "separate but equal" quote. Some noted the similarity between them and the Jim Crow set of laws that guaranteed segregation and white supremacy.

McConnell quickly gathered reporters together again to clarify the clarification from the last press conference. "Look, all I'm saying is that Hitler had some good ideas. Am I right or am I right? And Nazi-Americans aren't Nazis. That's why we call them Nazi-Americans."

McConnell's office released a statement later saying that the senator will no longer talk to the press claiming that "The woke press is out to cancel him."

In related news, this dog thinks you're pretty cool despite your faults.