Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Christian Hookup App Crashes Due To Marjorie Taylor Greene


Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene is responsible for crashing the world's largest Christian hookup app, Christian Kasual. The reason? The system could not handle so many users swiping left on her profile. "The system could not handle that sort of rejection at one time," said a developer.

Christian Kasual boasts over 3 million active users who want sexual adventures with strangers who possess "a close personal relationship with Jesus." The site started in 2016 when Donald J. Trump won the White House and many right-wing Christians realized they didn't have to pretend to pay attention to the Bible or the teachings of Christ.

Professor Andrew Canard studies the sociology, psychology, and economic dimensions of hookup sites. He's authored the books Shiver Me Tinder - A Pirate's Guide and A Slave To The Grindr. "Marjorie Taylor Greene is so despicable she caused the app to delete itself. Sure, the web-based site is operational, but it's never going to be the same."

Engineers at Christian Kasual believe users were not horrified by Greene's physical appearance as much as by her putrid personality. Virulent anti-Semites just found her to be way too much, and even the MAGA who support overthrowing the US government can't imagine spending any time with her.

"I want a woman who thinks the things I'm thinking and stays quiet," one anonymous user said. "I'm the one who does the talky-talky."

In related news, Elon Musk vows he has the bedbug problem at Twitter headquarters under control.