Friday, December 9, 2022

Megachurch Pastor Defends 'Faith-Based Dick Enlargement'


Megachurch minister Andrew Canard of Burning Bush Ministries (BBM) is under fire for using church funds to pay for treatment to extend the length and the girth of his phallus. The controversy is dividing his flock and increasing calls for the IRS to tax faith-based institutions.

Margaret Hall is the chief accountant for BBM and was the first to discover money meant to feed hungry children in sub-Saharan Africa was, in fact, going to Mann's Mammoth Institute of Masculinity (MMIM). "There were payments for traction weights, pills, supplements, and lotions." she said, "What sucked up the largest amount of money was the surgery."

Ms. Hall wouldn't divulge how much money was diverted, but she did say Burning Bush Ministries is not feeding anyone in sub-Saharan Africa.

While many followers of Reverend Canard's fire and brimstone style of preaching are surprised, many are not. Rumors of financial and sexual impropriety have been swirling around him for years. His focus on "manly men" and what is known as the "testosterone gospel" led many to think he was compensating for some deficiency.

Faith-based conservatives are loudly attacking any conversation relating to the possibility of taxing churches. They believe any such move would prevent them from doing charitable work in the community. Advocates of church taxation state faith-based institutions would not be taxed on funds that went to legitimate charity work. 

Whether or not Reverend Canard maintains his post as the shepherd to his flock is unknown. What is known is that he's defending his actions and says God's plan demanded he go big or go home.