Friday, December 2, 2022

Harrison Ford's Face Is Frozen In Disappointment

Hollywood - Film star Harrison Ford was rushed to an area hospital early today due to his face being frozen in what physicians are calling Chronic Resting Dad Face (CRDF). 

Mr. Ford was on the set filming the Apple+ series Shrinking where he plays a therapist who is diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. Peter Seigel is costaring. He's also playing a therapist grappling with his own set of issues.

It's reported by several anonymous sources Mr. Ford fell victim to CRDF immediately after filming this teaser for the series.

"He couldn't smile which was super weird and then he couldn't talk," a personal assistant said. "If that wasn't strange enough, he just uttered a disappointed sigh over and over and over again."

Experts in CRDF are not surprised by the sudden onset of the disease or how it initially manifested. Peer-reviewed research shows it is a condition that strikes many men of a certain age. 

Symptoms of CDRF include but are not limited to:

  • Looking like they got macaroni art from their twenty-something-year-old son or daughter as a birthday present.
  • Constantly worrying whether "this bullsh*t" will give them a heart attack.
  • Giving the distinct impression that you are full of sh*t.
  • Forgetting where their glasses are when the individual placed said glasses up on their forehead (see photo) a little while ago.
  • Muttering "Maybe they'll grow out of it" and/or "I can't do anything about it. They are their own person now."

What makes the situation so serious is that Mr. Ford makes his living via his face. While everyday men over 50 can fall prey to CRDF almost nobody notices or even cares, Ford simply can not ignore the disease. To make matters worse, if doctors can't unfreeze his facial muscles, then Ford's face will be frozen forever. "When your mother said Your face will get frozen like that! she was 100% correct," said CDRF specialist Dr. Andrew Canard. 

Millions of Ford's fans are sending him thoughts and prayers during his hour of need. However, they have to be warned that their hero is going to look like they do not impress him one single bit.