Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Team Vampire Wins The Georgia Senate Runoff Election


The Georgia Senate runoff election is over and Democrat Raphael Warnock from Team Vampire is victorious. It was a classic battle of vampires vs werewolves and it turns out to the chagrin of Herschel Walker that, yes, vampires can defeat werewolves. 

It was only a few weeks before the election when Walker proudly declared himself for Team Werewolf. 

Fright Night, Freak Night, or some type of night. I don’t know if you know, but vampires are some cool people, are they not? But let me tell you something that I found out: a werewolf can kill a vampire. Did you know that? I never knew that.

So, I don’t want to be a vampire anymore. I want to be a werewolf.

- Herschel Walker

Vampires immediately flocked to assist Warnock. Although werewolves are their immortal enemies, it was difficult for the vampiric community to rally around Pastor Raphael Warnock. "Look, Warnock isn't out there brandishing crosses all the time and that helped a lot," Count Dracula said. "It was a classic case of the enemy of my enemy is my friend."

Werewolves and MAGA Republicans are not happy with the election results. The MAGA faithful is crying foul and saying it was all rigged by "bloodsuckers, Renfields, and Obama." Surprisingly, Team Werewolf is distancing themselves from their one-time allies. Sources close to the lupine leadership say they lost fair and square and that they will wait until the next full moon to exact their revenge.

Political pundits are pointing out that the vampires and Warnock did not need any silver bullets to defeat their political foes. Ironically, all it took was having a good candidate who wasn't batty.