Thursday, March 17, 2011

Charlie Sheen's Solution To Space Debris

Winning in space!
Charlie Sheen, the newly appointed Chief of NASA, has announced a new method of removing space debris: exploding nuclear weapons in near-Earth orbit. Previously, NASA had planned on using lasers to deal with the debris. These lasers are projected to cost $800,000 each. Upon hearing this proposal, Mr. Sheen stated, "Look, do know how much Adonis DNA and Tiger blood is in this plan? Negative 120%. We need a BIG plan." At this point, confidential sources say, Mr. Sheen decided he needed to do a mid morning "winning" session with his goddesses.

When he returned 20 minutes later, the Chief of NASA stated his solution to space debris. "The US has nucular weapons that we gotta get rid of, right? Obama signed some thing with the Russian guy, Boris whats-his-name. Shoot them babies up and -BAM!!!" When subordinates responded that exploding nuclear weapons that close to Earth may cause problems, Mr. Sheen retorted that facts clouded their judgement.

Mr. Sheen then went onto NASA TV to tell its 3 viewers the specifics of the plan. First, get a bunch of big missiles that we have to get rid of anyway. Two, load those missiles with nukes, and hey, while we're at it put some toxic waste on them babies, too. Three, shoot those missiles straight up, but not all at once because we want to put on a show. Four, watch the show. Of course, the missiles need to be shot at night so that the whole world can enjoy the spectacle. As an added treat NASA scientists are figuring out how to color the explosions so it's just like the Fourth of July.

*This story is fake.
** Picture by Angela George