Saturday, March 19, 2011

New Study Confirms: We Are All Screwed

How bad? Worse than Bieber bad.
 A new study from Ninnyhammer University confirms our darkest fears: We are all screwed. The study, Meta-analysis of the Early Twenty first Century Zeitgeist is a  mutli-disciplinary exploration covering diverse subjects as international trade, worldwide energy policy, human rights, and the upcoming NFL lockout. The lead writer of the study, Sir Nee PhD, related to The Newest Newsy News the research methodology used. "My team combed through all the major research periodicals over the past decade to determine where human civilization is headed." At this point the interview was stopped because Sir Nee started crying like a baby who had his bippy taken away. Finally, after a glass of warm milk he continued, "And here is a chart that shows what kind of shape the world is in."

This study has raised considerable controversy in the academic community. Dr Marshal Cook is amongst the skeptics,  "I reviewed the data thoroughly and globally speaking we are not even close to being in a "Jersey Shore" scenario. Call me an optimist, but on a bad day the world teeters between the 1986 Red Sox and Justin Bieber."

Until the scientific community has this all sorted out citizens are to go about their daily routine and pretend that the NFL lockout will not occur.