|In happier days.
When asked what he will do, Mr Obama stated he has a position lined up: lion tamer. The Death Wish Circus has accepted him as a fully fledged lion tamer. Though Mr Obama has no experience taming lions, per se, his performance in dealing with Republicans, Democrats, and world leaders show that he is a quick learner. When confronted by one of the press about the cruel treatment of animals in circuses Mr Obama replied, "This circus has been certified by PETA, and no whips are allowed when dealing with the big cats. Lion tamers are expected to use strongly worded commands and wildly desperate hand gestures." Mr Obama stated that his wife, Michelle, supports his position 100% and plans to work at one of the concession stands with their daughters.
John Boehner, Speaker of the House, cried upon hearing the news in orangy tinged amazement. Mr Boehner was not able to make a comment at this time. But a Newest Newsy News reporter could hear the Speaker of the House through the closed door of his office sobbing, "Why does he get to be the lion tamer and I get stuck being a clown?"
* This story is 100% fake.